Welcome to this week’s Womanly Wednesday! I met today’s poster, Kylie, when I was a paraprofessional in her classroom during my first year in Kansas City. Our in-class chats became weekly coffee dates, and we both got engaged, married, and pregnant pretty close to each other. She is one of my closest friends in Kansas City and I am so grateful to share life with her! She’s also started blogging recently, so make sure to check out her blog and follow along!
At the beginning of 2014 Brad started talking about there being a high chance that he would have to leave town to work for a while. That is just part of his job and I knew this getting into a relationship with him. However, knowing it then and it becoming a reality now was two completely different things!
During that time Hillsong came out with a song called “Oceans.” I fell in love with this song and fully believe God put it on my heart and gave it to me as “my” song for the season of life I was about to come into.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
The months went by and then in May he received the call. They were sending him to North Carolina for a year. I was DEVASTATED!!! I felt my world falling apart and didn’t know what we were going to do. I had a job here. We had our family here. We had our home here. Our whole lives were in KC. What were we supposed to do??
After much discussion, lots of prayers and TONS of tears, we finally decided that since it was just for a year the best answer-the one God was calling us too- was for me to stay in KC and he would go to NC. His company would pay for him to fly home every other weekend and we would just make it work.
Well, two days before Brad took off for NC, I found out I was pregnant. This put an entirely new spin on him being gone. Not only was I going to be “alone” but I was going to be “pregnant (for the first time) and alone.” He called his company and they agreed to shorten his time out there so that he could be home before our baby arrived. His one year turned into 7 months. So, we decided to stick to our original plan and I stayed in KC while he left for NC. This way I could continue to work and help bring in income before I quit my job to stay at home once our baby arrived.
I had good days and I had bad days throughout the whole journey. The first three months, I had a LOT of bad days. I was heartbroken and just wallowing in self-pity. I cried almost every night and was convincing myself that we made the wrong decision, which made me even more miserable. I was constantly trying to tell myself that I had it so much better than so many military families. I at least got to talk to my husband every night on the phone and physically see him every other weekend. My life really wasn’t that bad and I knew that in my head but my heart was further behind.
Then came the night that everything changed. God broke through my barriers that I had put up. He opened my eyes and my ears to really see and listen to Him. I was reading my Bible and listening to a Christian station on Pandora. The song “Oceans” by Hillsong came on. (Remember at the beginning of this post how I talked about how God had given this song to me for this season of my life…)
Well this song came on and I finally heard it in a different way. God was telling me that where He had called me to be at this time was NOT with Brad but right where I was; at our home in KC. This was going to make my faith stronger. God listened to me vent and tell him how angry I was at him for moving Brad away from me. I told Him I was mad that He didn’t send me with him. I cried. I listened. I read. My life changed that night. It was about 3 months into his 7 months away.
God is truly amazing when you take the time to really listen and look for Him. He is always there. He never leaves us. Not even when we try to distance ourselves from Him. Just like the song, “You’ve never failed and you won’t start now.” That is the truth…100% truth! He wasn’t failing me. He was right there with me. He was growing me. He was growing Brad. He hadn’t left me and I was going to be stronger because of this. That is the truth I held onto for those last 4 months.
Brad came home in the middle of January 2015 and I was ecstatic. We had survived this season of our lives and had some more one-on-one time before our family expanded. I felt stronger in my relationship with Christ and I saw that Brad had grown as well. That season was hard, really hard, but looking back I am so glad we went through it. I have grown in ways that I never would have and am stronger because of it. God is good, even in the midst of “bad” seasons.
Kylie Paulsen blogs over at Fellowship and Lattes. She is married to an incredible man and together they have a little girl who just turned one year old. She loves spending time with her family, quiet mornings with Christ and a cup of coffee, Netflix, Redbox movies and as of most recently, working out. She has just recently started to blog and loves the outlet it provides. Follow her on Facebook at Fellowship & Lattes, Instagram,or Pinterest.