It’s been a little over a month since we had Caleb (you can read his birth story here), and like any mama knows well, my heart has been broken and stretched and grown in a million ways since he arrived. I feel invigorated and exhausted, overjoyed and overwhelmed, head over heels in love and desperate for some alone time. But maybe the best word to describe my emotional state these last few weeks? Terrifyingly, achingly vulnerable.
I am a perfectionist to my core and I love doing things well. I love feeling on top of things, feeling in control and successful in everything I do. So this whole motherhood thing? It’s rocking my world a bit. It’s one of the few times in my life where I am doing something that is completely new to me. I’ve held a few babies in my day but that’s nothing compared to the ups and downs of taking care of a newborn around the clock.
As I think through and process all the ways that motherhood is humbling me and exposing my needs for control and success, these five situations come to mind.