Testimony Tuesday: Fighting For Healing

When I graduated college a few years back, it seemed like I had everything lined up for me.  I was headed to Kansas City to finally be in the same city as my long-distance boyfriend of two years, I had a teaching job lined up, and would start classes for my Master’s degree in education soon after I arrived.  That boyfriend soon became my fiancé,  and after a whirlwind seven months of teaching, wedding planning, and night classes, we got married.

From the outside, everything was perfect.  But from the inside? My heart was aching.

I went to work and classes and lived life with my new husband, but life felt routine and lacking purpose.  I missed the ministry and friends I had in college and felt like I wasn’t making an impact anywhere.  My marriage had its sweet moments and we loved each other deeply, but it was also much harder than we’d expected.  Physical intimacy was confusing and impacted our hearts in ways that I could never have expected.  It felt like we just kept having one hard conversation after another as we navigated the waters of our new oneness and how we could live that out in real life.

And in the midst of all that, the God who was once my refuge felt a million miles away.  My quiet times felt dry and boring and distant, and I found myself turning to anything I could to avoid those awkward interactions with God.  I was angry that He had “abandoned” me when I felt I needed him most, and so I stopped pursuing Him at all as a result…..

I’m honored to be sharing more about what it’s looked like for me to fight for my heart and my healing over on Holly Barrett’s beautiful blog for Testimony Tuesday.  Head on over there to read the rest of this post and check out the other sweet stories of God’s goodness in the midst of our brokenness!