Womanly Wednesday: Life’s Roller Coasters

Welcome to this week’s Womanly Wednesday! In this series, different women share their struggles, bravely opening up about their stories so that other people would be inspired and encouraged.  Make sure to check out the Womanly Wednesday archives to read other posts from this series! 

Faith in God is a lot like a roller coaster. You are along for the ride, which includes climbing, dips, speed, and frequent loops. You buckle in, trusting that God is in control and capable to handle all the dips and loops that life has to offer. One of the most challenging aspects in my faith has been releasing my control and trusting God. However, 5 years ago, God decided to humble me and teach me about absolute trust and faith.

On January 6, 2011, my husband and I were expecting our second child. We received a call that, unfortunately, too many women have had to receive. Our second born had a condition which had caused his brain to not form properly. The prognosis was grim, he would die within my womb, or live shortly after birth. Beyond being devastated, I had no control, and that was more than I could handle.

About three nights after finding out about our son, Shai, I had a come to Jesus meeting in my closet. I cried, yelled, kicked, hit, and fell to my knees. It was simply not fair. However, life is not fair. We live in a very broken and hurting world. In those minutes, alone with my Savior, I wept. The beautiful part is, He patiently and graciously waited for me to process. Then, He reminded me of who He was. The Alpha and the Omega, the Creator, the Lover of my soul, my Savior. I had a decision to make, trust or walk away. In the end I fully believed that he would turn all the ashes into something beautiful. He did.

I have never drawn so close to my Savior. I had to. Every breath was a challenge. I had nowhere to go. He was the rock on which I stood, all else was sinking sand. He showed up in powerful ways. Shai was born on April 4, 2011 and lived for an hour. It was the most precious hour. We said our goodbyes and told him we loved him. Even in those moments, God granted me with a peace that passed all understanding. Shai’s life taught me about who God is and why He can be trusted. There is so much more to say about our journey with Shai. Please feel free to read more about him on our blog. 

Six weeks after we buried Shai, my amazing husband was deployed to a war zone for seven months. There is nothing quite like grieving a child, becoming a single parent, and worrying about the safety of your best friend. Again, I had no control and had to trust the One who cared more about him than I did. It was a challenge but God continued to show up and provide.

When Pete returned from his deployment we willingly hopped on the roller coaster of adoption. We always knew that adoption would be a part of our story. After completing the home study process we were approved to bring home a child age 0-12. I saw our daughter on for the first time on our agencies waiting child list. Her smile lit up the picture and inside the deepest parts of myself I knew she would come home with us. Pete felt the same way. So after 9 months of filling out mounds of paperwork we went pick up our daughter, Tsihon, from Ethiopia. She was 8 at that time and a bundle of energy. Adoption is hard, especially older child adoption.  It is humbling, heartbreaking, beautiful, and crazy. We are only 4 years into this journey, so we are still going through the loops and challenges. I am seeing God’s redemption story every day through our daughter’s life. He continues to remind me to let go and trust Him. 

Finally, in the loop of all loops, Pete was not selected for promotion.  All the past four years of learning to lean into Him and trust His path helped to lessen the blow. Where to next? He was leading us to Las Vegas, NV to become teachers. What?! It was difficult to leave my friends and my community. I just completed my first half year of teaching and it was a true roller coaster.  However, I am going to trust God and the loop He has thrown us on because I have finally learned that His path is not only better but much more exciting. There is never a dull moment.

I rode on my first, really thrill roller coaster, and at the age of 16, it was the Green Monster in Cedar Point, Ohio. If you are going to ride on a really thrilling roller coaster for the first time, you might as well go on the biggest. As they buckled me up, I clung to my friend and prayed I would not fall out. I had never felt so exhilarated in my life. I rode every roller coaster in the park after that. Life, no matter if you have a faith or not, will throw some major loops and dips into the picture. Life is a challenge. You can either be paralyzed by fear and never experience life or trust in God and hang on for the ride of your life. The most difficult loops in my life, thus far (I am only 32), have taught me so much about who God is and what my place in this world is. The shattered and confusing parts of my life are coming back together in a beautiful mosaic, which is not finished yet. I am going to choose to look at the loops in my life with hope and eyes focused on the One who created my story. After all, He is the author and perfecter of my faith.