Sobremesa Stories

Letting stories unfold around the table

Why It’s Dangerous To Shame Another Woman’s Feelings

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Since I started blogging last April, I’ve tried to be intentional about what I choose to post about.  I never want to write in a way that seeks to incite controversy just for the sake of inciting it. It seems like the internet isn’t a safe place to disagree with people while still loving them so I’ve just avoided more opinionated posts.  But when I read 2-3 articles with similar messages over the last few weeks, I got a little upset.  So with all the grace in the world and knowing that not everyone will agree with me on this one, I decided to respond.

Here’s a very short summary of one of the articles (and the other two were pretty similar):  The author was out at a public place and overheard a pregnant woman talking to a friend.  The pregnant woman was sharing about her pregnancy and told her friend that she had cried when she found out they were having another boy.

Why It's Dangerous To Shame Another Woman's Feelings In Pregnancy

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The Assumption That Is Changing Our Marriage

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You can tell me it’s because I’m a girl, because I’m a Type A planner, or because I’m just kind of a worrier, but I know this one thing for sure: when I start to freak out about something, my mind spins and spins and spins.  I get one thought stuck in my head and it seems like things spiral out of control until I’ve imagined the whole world ending and everything I love falling apart (all in the span of about five minutes).

Assuming The Best In Marriage Sobremesa Stories Blog

When it comes to our marriage, this can be especially challenging.  Early on in our dating years and in marriage, I was quick to imagine the worst.  If Jordan was late getting home for dinner, I assumed it was because he was frustrated or annoyed with me and wasn’t looking forward to coming home.  If I tried to initiate vulnerable conversation and Jordan seemed tired, my mind started to spin with the insecurities that he was thinking I’m too much and too emotional.

If I was disappointed in or hurt by Jordan in any way, my mind went immediately to a place of shame and insecurity, assuming that everything he did was somehow a reflection of his heart for me, his love for me, and what I was ultimately worth, to my husband and in general.

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Friday Faves: A Birthday Shoutout To The Guy Behind The Blog

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If you’ve been here a while, you know that marriage is one of my favorite topics.  I’ve learned so many things since my hubby and I got married a little over two years ago and I have a heart to encourage other women in their marriages.  But as much as I write about marriage, I haven’t spent all that much time writing about the guy in my marriage: my handsome, hilarious, and oh so wise husband, Jordan.

Since that special guy is turning 26 this weekend (which makes us feel really old and might make many of you think we’re pretty young), I thought I’d dedicate today’s post to him.  I thought about sharing 26 things I love about him, but y’all, that’s just too many things (not that I couldn’t come up with them, more that I might have to save that for our own date nights).  Since Jordan is born on the 11th, I think I’ll just share 11 random facts/things I love about this guy!

Without further ado…the guy behind the blog!

11 Random Facts About My Wonderful Husband

1) Jordan led Young Life for five years and Young Life is how we met! 

In case you missed our love story I shared a while back, Jordan and I met while working at a Young Life Camp in New York the summer before our junior year of college.  I remember loving his silly sense of humor, his deep heart to love kids, and his amazing blue eyes and tan muscles (true confessions).  We spent a month working in the snack bar together before heading back to our respective states (me North Carolina, him Missouri).  Four months and lots of texts, phone calls, Skype dates, letters, and one fateful visit later, we started dating!

At a local Young Life "Muckfest" in 2013

At a local Young Life “Muckfest” in 2013

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Six Ways To Stop Arguments From Escalating

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I’m gonna go ahead and say it: Parenthood is probably my favorite show of all time. I love the depth of the characters, the combination of sweetness and silliness, and the complex ways they show so many different parts of marriage and family life.  But in the words of a friend’s husband: “Is Parenthood the show where they’re always yelling at each other?”

While I won’t say that’s true ALL the time…they definitely do yell a bit.  Sometimes when I’m watching the couples in the show argue, I’m amazed by how quickly arguments turn into loud yelling matches where each person shouts their own perspective without actually listening at all to what the other one is saying (especially Crosby and Jasmine.  I love them but their marriage is a hot mess sometimes).
Marriage Conflict Cycle Black and White

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Why Your Marriage Is More Than Your Sex Life

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All right, guys, we’re getting kinda real today. Posts like this are hard because they require a lot of vulnerability, but reading honest posts by brave bloggers helped me get through a season of our marriage where I felt deeply ashamed and alone.  I hope you’ll read it with respect, compassion, and kindness (as you always do).  Thanks for sharing the real and the hard with me, my friends.  

In a lot of ways, I think Jordan and I were well-prepared for marriage (or at least as well-prepared as you can be).  We’d talked through a ton of topics ranging from finances and hobbies to relationships, community, and general expectations.  We were on the same page about so many things, and we’d had many wonderful couples remind us that getting married would not fill some void in our heart, that we would still wrestle with questions of identity and worth that we’d wrestled with for most of our lives.

But the one thing we quickly found out we weren’t so prepared for? Intimacy.

Intimacy in marriage can be confusing and hard and this post gives encouragement for anyone struggling in this area.

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What To Do After An Argument With Your Spouse

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Before Jordan and I got married, we did pre-marital counseling with a couple from our church.  They were wonderful – high school sweethearts from Louisiana who’d been married many years (and who had raised a few kiddos, one of whom was a close friend of Jordan’s).  They made us laugh, they listened and asked us good questions, and they gave us lots of good advice and stories about what to expect and do in our first years of marriage.

Although lots of things they said stuck with us, one of the most important things we learned from them was about what to do after an argument with your spouse.  They said they’d done this for many years, and it helped them to keep fighting for their marriage through all the ups and downs.  What was the one piece of advice they gave us?

After every argument or conflict of any kind, we had to find a way to PLAY together.

What To Do After An Argument With Your Spouse

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How To Break Your Marriage Conflict Cycle

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If you are dating someone, married, or have been either of those things at some point, you know that arguments with your significant other happen.  Any time we share our hearts, bodies, and souls with another person, it’s inevitable that some sort of friction will rise up.  Even the best happily ever after’s have a solid argument every once in a while, and anyone who tells you differently is either lying or hasn’t been married long enough to get down to the nitty-gritty (it only took us maybe…hmm….3 days into marriage to get to this point.  We’re over-achievers, you know?)

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What I’m Scared To Ask God For

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I have always been a journaler, and pouring out my heart to God on the pages of a journal feels as natural as talking to a best friend.  I love that God cares enough about my heart to listen to me ramble about all of those crazy emotions swirling around inside of me. I have stacks and stacks of journals with pages filled with everything from the ramblings of a new-to-faith teenager to the confessions, desires, and prayers for my marriage and my still-new adult life.

But when it comes to actually asking for specific, tangible things? I’m not so sure.

If you've ever been scared to ask God for something, you have got to check out this post!

My Hesitations with prayer

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Boulder Bound: My First Colorado Trip

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Like I described in my post on learning to love my husband’s hobbies last week, my hubby is quite the athlete.  He loves anything that takes him outside! The main race he was training for  this season was a Half-Ironman triathlon in Boulder, CO this last weekend.  In case you aren’t familiar with the Ironman races, a Half-Ironman is a race where a bunch of crazy people swim 1.2 miles, bike 56 miles, and then run 13 miles.  On the same day.  Without dying. (Remember when I said they were crazy?)   We left Thursday morning to start the nine-hour drive from KC to Boulder.  Although I WISH we could have taken this cutie with us,  we had two wonderful ladies to stay with her and snuggle her while we were gone.  Thanks, Aunt Jessie and Aunt Liz!

Boulder Family Pic

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Learning To Love My Husband’s Hobbies

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If you know my husband at all, you know Jordan is a man who loves to be outside.

Jordan has always been athletic, and in the last three years he started cycling and running pretty consistently.  He loves being outside and loves how races are an outlet for his competitive spirit.  He did his first marathon on two days notice when a friend dropped out, and even with the disgusting blisters and super-sore muscles, he was hooked.  Since then, he’s competed in a variety of half-marathons, marathons, and now is starting to do triathlons as well.  He did his first Half Ironman last September and is training for another one in Boulder in a few weeks.  And if you follow him or me on Instagram at all….you’ve probably seen that our weekends have been pretty full of races these last few months.

Great tips about how to embrace and love your husband's hobbies instead of just tolerating them!

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