Sobremesa Stories

Letting stories unfold around the table

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Why Your Marriage Is More Than Your Sex Life

August 2, 2015 By Lauren

All right, guys, we’re getting kinda real today. Posts like this are hard because they require a lot of vulnerability, but reading honest posts by brave bloggers helped me get through a season of our marriage where I felt deeply ashamed and alone.  I hope you’ll read it with respect, compassion, and kindness (as you always do).  Thanks for sharing the real and the hard with me, my friends.  

In a lot of ways, I think Jordan and I were well-prepared for marriage (or at least as well-prepared as you can be).  We’d talked through a ton of topics ranging from finances and hobbies to relationships, community, and general expectations.  We were on the same page about so many things, and we’d had many wonderful couples remind us that getting married would not fill some void in our heart, that we would still wrestle with questions of identity and worth that we’d wrestled with for most of our lives.

But the one thing we quickly found out we weren’t so prepared for? Intimacy.

Intimacy in marriage can be confusing and hard and this post gives encouragement for anyone struggling in this area.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: Counseling, Heart Stuff, Intimacy, Marriage, Marriage Advice

How I’m Finding Freedom From Shame (A Three-Step Process)

May 18, 2015 By Lauren

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  

Brené Brown –The Gifts of Imperfection

Finding Freedom From Shame - Sobremesa Stories

The first time I remember feeling shame, that gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that something’s wrong with me, was in middle school.   I struggled in my relationships with girl friends, and remember one particular conversation with a girl friend who told me she didn’t want me around when the boy she liked was there because I was “too much,” and when I was my full self I was “obnoxious.”  I know that those words came out of a place of her own insecurity and fears, but they impacted me deeply.

I started to believe that who I am is obnoxious, that I needed to tone down my personality, my happiness, my intelligence, and myself in general to be liked and even loved by others.  I desperately sought attention from boys, believing that giving them my body and my heart was the only way to overcome my “obnoxious” personality and be “loved” the way I was longing for.  When I compromised my boundaries and values to make them happy, I felt an even deeper sense of disappointment and shame.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: Counseling, Faith, Freedom, Heart Stuff, Jesus, Marriage, Shame






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