Womanly Wednesday: Questioning Faith And Conquering Cancer

Welcome to this week’s Womanly Wednesday! In this series, different women share their struggles, bravely opening up about their stories so that other people would be inspired and encouraged.  Make sure to check out the Womanly Wednesday archives to read other posts from this series! 

Cancer is one of those things you don’t think much about until it shows up in your own life. At least that’s what happened to me. I knew people—friends, family members, coworkers—who had cancer, and my heart went out to them. But I never fully considered the emotion and struggle that dreaded word brings until I heard it from the lips of my own doctor. That was in 2010, and my life has never been the same.

When a 6-inch tumor was removed from my thigh in the summer of 2010, I thought I had beat cancer. I was thankful to resume life and put the whole ordeal behind me.

And I did…for three years.

Then I got a surprising phone call after a routine follow-up. There was a “suspicious spot” on the scan…could I come in for a biopsy? The thought that the cancer might be back was more than I could bear. I sobbed through what was otherwise a simple, outpatient procedure. Several days later, the results confirmed the cancer had not only returned…it had spread.

Suddenly, all the victory of my previous battle unraveled. The thought of another battle with cancer left my emotions and my faith in a crumpled heap. I had beat this disease once; I didn’t want to do it again. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I was up for the fight.

Things went from bad to worse when we found out it had spread to three different places in my body. I was immediately referred to a specialist. There’s no way we could have prepared for what we heard.

“The type of cancer you have is non-curative. We need to start chemo right away.”

I was in shock. I was a relatively healthy, 40-year-old mother of two. Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but my blood pressure, my cholesterol, all my numbers were good. In fact, I had just run two miles on my treadmill the night before. How could I have a disease considered non-curative?!

My faith has always been an integral part of my life, and I have lived with the belief and conviction that God has a plan and He is working that plan for my good. All of a sudden I wasn’t so sure. I left the specialist’s office feeling overwhelmed. My mind reeled with medical information and treatment options while my soul screamed, God, where are you?! Do you see what’s happening?!

At some point in the midst of my questions and desperation, God leaned in and whispered, “Do you think I’m big enough?”

That’s when I realized that talking (and writing) about my faith wouldn’t to be enough for this battle. It was time to put feet to my faith and decide if I truly believe what I say I believe.

That sounds like the dramatic ending to an inspirational movie, but it was only the beginning of my journey. The following weeks and months were spent making decisions about treatment and wrestling with deep questions in my faith. Questions like: Is God really good? Does God really love me? I learned (the hard way) how to manage my thoughts and control my emotions before they could take me very dark places.

We prayed. We cried. We gathered with family and friends and asked them to pray with us and agree for healing. I knew God could do it, so why wouldn’t He do it?

A few short weeks after my conversation with the specialist, I started chemo. During the eighteen weeks of treatment I relied on others to care for my family and my household while I worked to grow stronger from the effects of the treatment (and learned to cover my bald head to keep me warm!).

When the treatment was completed, we received good news—the tumors were reduced to half their original size. The chemo had worked! I had reached the maximum amount of that treatment, and we had to stop. However, the cancer was still there. The moment of hope was followed quickly by the familiar hopelessness as I realized there wasn’t much else they could do.

Again, I stood on my faith. I cried some more and prayed some more. God gave us wisdom and directed us to people who were able to help us make changes to our lifestyle. I changed what I ate and learned to take better care of my body and make my health a priority.

For six months, we worked and prayed. I grew stronger and felt healthier than I had before my diagnosis. Then, to my surprise, my oncologist recommended I talk to a surgeon. Fourteen long months after my world was shaken with a cancer diagnosis, all three tumors were removed, and a follow-up scan confirmed I was now cancer free!

God healed me, but my healing didn’t come as I had expected, or even as I hoped it would. Instead of a miraculous intervention that would have rescued me from the storm, God held me tight and took me right through it.

It wasn’t what I planned. It’s not how I wanted to do it…it was so much better (as God’s plan always is!) The lessons I learned through the storm were greater than anything I could have learned without it. God brought me through the storm emotionally whole, physically healed, and spiritually stronger than I have ever been.

This same God sees whatever you face today. He is not shocked by it. He is not scared or intimidated by it. He is (more than) big enough.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!
(Ephesians 3:20, The Message).

Nancy is an author, speaker, wife, mother, and two-time cancer overcomer. She lives in Missouri where she relies on God’s grace and good coffee to live out authentic faith in the midst of a mostly messy life and writes about faith, family, and finding grace at ThereIsGrace.com. You can read the rest of her story in Unshakable: Finding Faith to Weather the Storm and stay connected with her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.