You can tell me it’s because I’m a girl, because I’m a Type A planner, or because I’m just kind of a worrier, but I know this one thing for sure: when I start to freak out about something, my mind spins and spins and spins. I get one thought stuck in my head and it seems like things spiral out of control until I’ve imagined the whole world ending and everything I love falling apart (all in the span of about five minutes).
When it comes to our marriage, this can be especially challenging. Early on in our dating years and in marriage, I was quick to imagine the worst. If Jordan was late getting home for dinner, I assumed it was because he was frustrated or annoyed with me and wasn’t looking forward to coming home. If I tried to initiate vulnerable conversation and Jordan seemed tired, my mind started to spin with the insecurities that he was thinking I’m too much and too emotional.
If I was disappointed in or hurt by Jordan in any way, my mind went immediately to a place of shame and insecurity, assuming that everything he did was somehow a reflection of his heart for me, his love for me, and what I was ultimately worth, to my husband and in general.